


The One Who Has To Understand

by SonneKa



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Happy Ending, How do I tag?, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, or that's what I think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 14:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11359758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonneKa/pseuds/SonneKa
Summary: Dealing with Kamukura was a thing, and dealing with Hinata was something completely different. But now they both were one, what should he say about it?“I suppose I should thank you for waking me up?” he didn’t want to sound that sarcastic, but it was kind of impossible at the same time. He was still thinking that something was pretty wrong there.





	The One Who Has To Understand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [UltimateDespairs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateDespairs/gifts).



> Hallo! I'm alive! :D
> 
> This fic is the one I wrote for this year's KomaHina Secret Exchange (for shsluckymushroom on tumblr, UltimateDespairs here on AO3)!! I was so excited to participate again that I didn't care that I had to study for 3 exams in the middle lol. At least I survived and I'm happy that I was able to do everything I wanted to, giving up is not for me at all :'3
> 
> Prompt: “Hinata and Komaeda talking Post DR3, with the Kamukura side of ‘Hizuru’ coming out more and more as time proceeds, and Komaeda growing more accepting of both sides of Hinata now. (Doesn’t have to be limited to just a few conversations. Write as much or as little post DR3 as you want!)"
> 
> I hope you like it!!! ♥

"Hey, can you hear me?"

Komaeda was sure he’d heard those words before. However, this time they weren't coming out of his own mouth. He opened his eyes, barely having enough strength to do so, and then he could finally _see_.

He saw him, just in front of him.

Mixed feelings surrounded him, not knowing how he was supposed to feel about the whole situation. He had to be happy? Thankful? …Or he actually had to feel sad?

He was back to life, to the real world, even though he wanted just the opposite outcome. But, more importantly, the person in front him...

“Izuru Kamukura?” it pained him saying that name. Somewhere deep in his mind it wasn’t okay at all. Like it _shouldn’t_ be like that, like that name implied a lot of emotions he didn’t want to know. So, because of that, he changed his words. “No, you’re Hinata-kun… right?”

He hoped to have a nice answer, although the whole situation seemed kind of bad somehow. Would he get a “yes” or a “no”? He wasn’t sure at all. Having his thoughts focused on that matter, he realized late that he had extended his left arm towards the boy standing in front of him. Then he remembered, that rotten and evil hand attached to his body, so nasty. If he hadn’t been thinking about other things, he would have lifted the other arm. It would probably be pretty unpleasant for Hinata (or Kamukura) to grab that disgusting thing…

However, he had to force himself not to look so much surprised when, after all, the other grabbed his hand and pulled him up without any hint of problem with it. He had to admit, it was a really unexpected action. Maybe that meant he would be left with that woman’s arm on his body after all, since it wasn’t as disgusting as he thought…

After a few moments of silence, and of them staring at each other waiting for answers, the boy who was standing spoke:

“They are both me,” he said, smiling.

Well, it had to be kind of predictable in the end. Even physically it was obvious he wasn't just Hinata or Kamukura: Two eyes, two different colours.  And even though Hinata was smiling at him, there was something telling Komaeda it was no longer the smile he knew during the NEO World Program. How he should act then? He wasn’t prepared for something like this…

Dealing with Kamukura was a thing, and dealing with Hinata was something completely different. But now they both were one, what should he say about it?

“I suppose I should thank you for waking me up?” he didn’t want to sound that sarcastic, but it was kind of impossible at the same time. He was still thinking that something was pretty wrong there.

However, he threw those pretty negative thoughts at the back of his head. It wasn’t time to argue or anything, nobody deserved to be scolded by someone like him anyway, less the person who made him wake up. Again, he would have preferred the opposite…

“I knew you’d make it to the lowest stratum… I believed in you,” Komaeda said, fast. Not even thinking too much about his words, this way his last question wouldn’t be taken in consideration, fortunately. Even so, he wasn’t lying at all.

Hinata was strong, he was so full of hope… Komaeda was still surprised by the fact that he used to have no talent to begin with. But now, well, it had to be the other way around. That should be good, right? After all, Hinata had the patience to wait for someone like him to wake up.

“How are the others?” thinking about waking up reminded Komaeda of his classmates, the ones who fell in the same state as him.

Hinata then widened his smile and, finally, could say something. “You’re the last one out.”

* * *

He knew there was no use in remembering how he woke up, since that was the way things turned out and thinking about it wouldn't change that fact. Even so, he couldn't stop thinking about Hinata, about his attitude. Analysing that moment he smiled at him saying "you're the last one out". Although everyone felt like it wasn't time to relax in the boat they were in, since they were on their way to deal with the Future Foundation again, he was still trying to get his thoughts together. Being the last to wake up had its consequences.

“It’s my fault that we’ll arrive late, isn’t it?” he mumbled, only to himself since he was all alone.

“Don’t say that…” or, in fact, he wasn’t alone at all. He turned around, finding Hinata coming to where he was standing. The boat they were in moved slower than he thought, and leaning against the bow railing while staring at the water beneath it wasn’t as scary as he would have thought at first. Soon, Hinata was just next to him. “It’s not your fault at all, the Future foundation was always a mess and it has nothing to do with you.”

“Is that so?” Komaeda kept his gaze focused on the sea. “You could have left me if I was the last one out… You could have arrived to the building sooner without me…”

Again, he remembered Hinata’s words back then. The latter just sighed and moved his hand, kind of hesitant, towards Komaeda’s. His real hand, not the mechanical one.

Komaeda had to admit he was glad that awful hand that didn’t belong to him in any possible way had been removed, and he couldn’t complain if the robotic hand he was using worked perfectly. Obviously, Hinata had to make it.

_He surely has a lot of talents now, doesn’t he?_

As soon as he felt Hinata’s fingers brushing his, Komaeda blinked and was no longer focused on the sea. He turned around to see a straight-faced Hinata staring at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t dare say that ever again,” his voice was cold, it made Komaeda shiver. It was deeper than Hinata’s usual voice, and this way he could tell he was actually being pretty serious about what he was saying.

“Don’t say what?” Komaeda played dumb, even if he knew it wasn’t the best idea.

“Don’t act as if you don’t know what I am talking about,” he frowned. Of course, maybe it was stupid hiding things from Hinata now. Did that mean he now… could actually understand him? “I’m… I’m truly happy that you’re here…”

His voice cracked a little bit, and it sounded more like himself than before. It actually made Komaeda realize those words’ meaning. He stared at Hinata, though his senses were focused on how warm and soft their hands felt together.

“I couldn’t have left you there, it was just impossible for me…” Hinata shook his head. “So, please… Stop saying it was a mistake.”

Komaeda thought he may be thinking way too much, but Hinata hold his hand tighter, as if not wanting to let it go, and he just let it be. Maybe he really mattered for Hinata after all? Maybe he didn’t have to feel like trash in front of him? His heart gave a jump in his chest, it almost ached, and he was at a loss for words. So he only nodded, lowering his gaze to their joined hands.

Silence maybe lasted a long time, but it didn’t matter to them. The moment the boat stopped, they stared at each other already knowing what that meant.

“Well, it’s time to go,” Hinata let go of his hand, and turned away. However, Komaeda stayed, dumbfounded, feeling that there was something off.

Hinata, probably knowing the white haired boy wasn’t following him, turned to see him. Then, Komaeda met that serious and cold gaze again, as if what he said before hadn’t happened at all. As if they hadn’t had any kind of talk. He dry swallowed, not really knowing what to do.

Hinata blinked a few times, shook his head, and then spoke again. “What is it?”

Komaeda also blinked, maybe he was just imagining things. After all, Hinata looked worried now. “What are we supposed to do there?”

At that question, Hinata smiled and grabbed Komaeda’s mechanical wrist so he would come along with him. “It’s time for us to show the Future Foundation who we really are.”

* * *

It was simply amazing how the sky was so blue, even though it could sound like kind of a stupid opinion. It seemed that it had been an eternity from the last time it was like that, _clear_. Everything was so bright, so hopeful.

Everyone was happy, hope had won over despair in the end, just like Komaeda wanted it to be. He smiled and closed his eyes.

It was finally the end. Or… maybe it was just a beginning?

They all were going back to the real Jabberwock Island, wanting to be in peace for a little more time. So it was now time to party on the boat that was leading them back there. Again, everyone was so happy, and Komaeda would have joined their happiness, but…

“How are you feeling?” Hinata asked, he was standing just beside him.

Komaeda breathed in and opened his eyes, just to stare at the clean blue sky again. Then, he lowered his gaze to the ground, back to Earth, back to reality. _Back…_ “It’s good to be back.”

“Mm?” maybe even Hinata felt confused about those words, Komaeda couldn’t believe he was saying them either.

He had said before that he would have been better off dead. But now, seeing the world getting to be a beautiful place again, a place where hope bloomed, it was impossible for him to regret being there, being able to witness such spectacle.

“I’m surprised you’re saying that,” when Komaeda turned to look at Hinata, he could verify that he was actually smiling. “Can I ask you what made you change your mind?”

“So you didn’t want me to change?” he teased, making the other boy laugh.

“I didn’t mean that, it’s just… I’m curious.”

_You being curious? Don’t you have all the talents now? Don’t you have the talent to read minds or something like that?_

There were lots of questions crossing Komaeda’s mind that he didn’t realize he wasn’t answering to Hinata’s. Anyway, he went back to reality when he felt Hinata grabbing his hand. It was becoming a habit, wasn’t it? But it wasn’t as if Komaeda disliked the idea of holding hands with him, it was warm and it felt safe. Besides, Hinata was still smiling at him, probably already knowing Komaeda wouldn’t disagree with that kind of contact.

Then, in the end, he could actually read minds, right?

“So?” Hinata insisted, Komaeda was getting lost again. He blinked a few times in realization, feeling so embarrassed that he had to let a tiny laugh escape his mouth to feel less nervous.

“I just…” he shrugged, slowly lacing his fingers with the other’s. “I’m glad everything is okay now, even though I don’t know how much it will last.”

“Komaeda…”

“But, anyways, it’s not time for me to say something like that,” he corrected himself as fastest as he could. “Let’s just say… I’m truly impressed, about everything.”

“About what?”

“For example, about _you_ ,” Komaeda sheepishly admitted. There was a little pause of silence before he could continue talking. “It’s all because of you, you’re so full of talent… of hope. You brought hope back to us again, Hinata-kun.”

“I-I think it was because of everyone, not just me… By myself, only by myself, I wouldn’t have gotten far,” he lowered his gaze and Komaeda noticed his hand being squeezed tighter.

“But it’s because of you we could wake up, isn’t that right? So you were the one who made us get this far.”

“It’s not about how you all woke up, but about how I managed to get to that point,” his gaze was still focused on the ground, deadpanned.

“I don’t… understand?”

Hinata glanced up to stare at Komaeda’s face for a few seconds, the latter could feel a shiver running down his spine. Everything felt cold until Hinata smiled again. He didn’t say anything, just leaded Komaeda by the hand away from where the others could see them, at the back of the boat. It felt really peaceful not to hear anything but the ocean and the distant laughs from their friends. But although it felt really quiet, Komaeda was pretty much more nervous than before.

“Why are we here?” he inquired.

“You don’t like noisy places, am I wrong?” Komaeda widened his eyes at that response, and couldn’t help staring at Hinata, dumbfounded.

“How do you know that?” he didn’t feel like his interests were worth of knowledge, less for Hinata who now was probably a know-it-all now, the most genuine know-it-all of all time. However, he couldn’t deny Hinata knowing something about him, even the tiniest information, felt good.

“During the program… the e-Handbook. The NEO World had its good things, don’t you think?” Komaeda was still kind of lost in the conversation, kind of lost in the tiny smile forming on Hinata’s lips.

“I… think so,” silence was bound to happen, followed by a continued stare at each other as if that was the most interesting thing to do in the world. And, maybe, it actually was. “But you don’t need to know me so much. You know? I’m not that worthy anyway.”

“Komaeda… it was really hard to get you to wake up,” his smile was fading, so Komaeda’s did too. It seemed like a cruel change of topic but, somehow, he knew that what Hinata said had something to do with what they were talking about. “It’s been months of me trying to get you out of there…”

“I’m so sorry you had to wait so much,” it seemed like some sort of déjà vu, he was saying things he probably admitted before. He couldn’t help himself, he still felt like the most useless trash. Even when he was just sleeping, he was causing problems.

“It wasn’t your fault and… Look, there were a lot of things that happened, and now they’re all in the past so… Why should we care about them now?” it was difficult to tell whether Hinata was confused or sure of himself while talking. In any case, his words were heavy. He reached out for Komaeda’s other hand too, the robotic one, and now was grabbing them both, firmly.

“You can’t run away from the past, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda smiled and turned his gaze away, he preferred staring at the sea and focusing on the contact they were sharing instead of staring at each other in a very embarrassing way. Well, Komaeda thought it was kind of embarrassing.

“Yeah, you’re right. You can’t run away from the past, but… you can learn from it and create a future where you don’t have to look back at it anymore.”

It took Komaeda a few seconds to analyse what Hinata had said, and then he got the courage to look back at him right in the eyes. He dry swallowed, not sure about what he should say next. His brain was off, his hand felt sweaty and he could swear the left one was shaking at least a little bit.

“We all did mistakes, didn’t we?” Hinata continued, the white haired boy lowered his gaze and nodded as an answer. “Didn’t we learn from those mistakes? Aren’t we different persons from the ones we were some years ago? Before all _that_ _disaster_ happened?”

Komaeda would lie if he said it was the first time Hinata was saying stuff like that, but it truly was the first time he felt nervous about his _speech_. There was something off about it, maybe it was too deep for how he expected him to talk. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” Hinata sighed, as if he had been holding back too much air inside his lungs for a really long time. He squeezed Komaeda’s hand and then he felt there was something weird happening, his heart pounding heavily fast in his chest. “You did bad things, and I did too. But, in the end, I’m still here with you, right?”

Again, silence. Komaeda tilted his head, slowly. His eyes were still focused on Hinata’s though. Their hands were joined and it felt like a mix of confusion and hope at the same time, there was no way to explain that kind touch. Komaeda was confused, maybe the contact wasn’t letting him think well…

“Ugh…” Hinata looked away and stifled a laugh. “I don’t know why I said those things but I’ve just realized they sound pretty embarrassing.”

“I was kind of… surprised that you were talking like that, Hinata-kun. But it’s nice, I suppose,” he shrugged, chuckling a little bit too. “Anyways, it’s not like I have the right to tell you how you should speak.”

“It’s not that… it’s just…”

Then they stared at each other, probably them both were not sure at all about what they had to do next. But what was certain was Hinata’s nervousness this time, Komaeda wasn’t the best when it came to read other people’s minds but Hinata could be easy to read sometimes.

That embarrassing silence didn’t last too long, Komaeda didn’t even have time to react properly. Was he seriously that close to Hinata and he didn’t notice? No, he _got_ closer somehow. Their laced hands didn’t seem enough, and when their foreheads pressed together, Komaeda shivered. That way, it didn’t take long for Hinata to finally kiss him on the lips.

_Finally…_

It felt like something he needed so much but didn’t know before it actually happened. His heart gave a jump and it felt so good, everything felt so good that he thought he didn’t deserve it at all.

Even if it had been a brief kiss, it had been so calming. They didn’t separate too much though, again pressing their foreheads against each other’s. Hinata smiled while closing his eyes but Komaeda didn’t do the same, he wanted to see it all: he wanted to believe what was going on.

“Sorry, I didn’t know how to say it,” Hinata chuckled, sheepishly.

“I thought you knew it all, didn’t you have all the talents?” Komaeda bit his lower lip, thinking that the other’s had been against his a few seconds ago was making him feel butterflies in his stomach.

“This has nothing to do with talents, it’s not that easy you know…”

So feelings and talents didn’t go together? That was such a surprise, but Komaeda thought it was cute too. After all, Hinata still had some weaknesses. “I understand…” he said, but he actually didn’t. Getting to know Hinata’s weak side didn’t make him comprehend him completely.

_I want to understand him… more than anyone else…_

And he would probably get to that point one day, he only needed to have hope, right?

It took him a few seconds to realize they were closer than they actually needed, Komaeda apologized but he received a chuckle as an answer. Hinata opened his eyes and stared back at the white haired boy. Those eyes, they were shining and so full of colour. Green and red. It reminded Komaeda that Hinata was not only himself now.

_“They are both me,”_

He remembered his voice back then, when he woke up.

Those eyes were the friendly reminder that they both had changed, that they could start all over again and build a new future.

“W-What’s wrong, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda wavered, his face felt hot and there was no way he could hide it. Hinata smiled again, probably already noticing how nervous he was.

“Nothing, I just…” he let go Komaeda’s hands and, hesitantly, circled his waist with both arms. If they weren’t the closest before that, now they were. Still, his gaze wouldn’t stop focusing on Komaeda’s. Was he studying him or something? It was pretty embarrassing.

“Yeah?” the white haired boy insisted, nervous. Not really knowing what to do with his free hands, he rested them on the other boy’s shoulders.

"I had waited so much for this moment to happen… Really. And all this wait was totally necessary and worth it,” he then lowered his gaze, was he embarrassed too? At least Komaeda could stop thinking he was the only one.

“Why?” he smiled, tilting his head to one side, distancing from Hinata’s forehead a little bit.

The latter then looked up again, smiling too, and took a deep breath before talking. “Because it made me realize how much I truly love you.”

Komaeda’s countenance suddenly changed, not expecting at all those words.

_Love…_

When he heard that word, he was completely convinced it couldn’t be applied to him. He thought there was no way someone like him deserved such sentiment from anybody at all. But there he was, in front of someone who actually claimed to love him.

Was that real? Was it really happening?

He was always confused when it came to feelings and Hinata involved with them, and now… those confusing thoughts would stop hunting him?

“Hey, are you okay?” Hinata asked, preoccupied. He lifted one hand and reached to Komaeda’s cheeks, it felt warm and safe, just like their hands when they were joined together.

“Yes, Hinata-kun. I’m really okay…” he smiled, and felt how much he was already shaking. He wanted it to stop. “I… I love you too.”

Hinata’s smile widened and then kissed Komaeda on the mouth again. This time, the kiss felt warmer and not embarrassing. Completely different to the last one, Komaeda pretended it was their truly first kiss.

_Kiss…_

_Love…_

Was it safe for him to be this happy? His luck wasn’t there anymore, was it?

It was so perfect that he was still looking for excuses to claim it wasn’t real. But Hinata’s sweet taste in his mouth, and the way their tongues danced so fluently with each other. Oh god, those feelings were truly real.

* * *

 

Once they arrived at the island Komaeda could actually feel everything was really over, the ocean in front of him was _real_ and the sun going down, leaving room for the night to come, was real too. Jabberwock Island wasn’t a simulation anymore, nor the sea. He stepped back when sea foam brushed his bare feet. He still didn’t like the ocean too much.

“What are you doing?” he heard Hinata’s voice behind him. They had spent the time on the beach all day long, it was almost time to go back since it was starting to get dark. Nevertheless, the sky was so beautifully coloured in oranges and pinks that Komaeda wanted to stay a little bit more. “You didn’t want to swim…”

“Oh, is that wrong? I’m sorry if you wanted to do that instead of just sleeping under a tree. I guess it’s more fun, right?”

“I didn’t mean that…” Hinata frowned and Komaeda knew what that face meant.

He sighed, probably even tired himself of saying things he shouldn’t. How many times a day Hinata told him he didn’t have to treat himself so harshly, that he didn’t have to think everything he did was wrong? Probably a hundred times by now. And it wasn’t as if he didn’t want to hear, of course he wanted. It was just difficult.

Life was being so good with him right now, where was the disaster? Where was his _luck_? It was impossible for him to think things wouldn’t be as despairing as he grew used to anymore. On the other hand, he felt so full of hope, so amazed, that there shouldn’t be room left for worries, right?

However, every time the sea reached the shore he couldn’t help backing off. Not only his way of talking about himself was difficult to change, but his little fears too.

Soon he felt his right hand being hold tightly, and when he looked to the side he could see Hinata standing next to him. He was close enough for Komaeda to rest his head on his shoulder, so he did it although he was kind of hesitant at first. Then he closed his eyes and let the sunset breeze blew away all his bad thoughts.

“Why are you scared?” Hinata asked, and the white haired boy opened his eyes, wide. Suddenly he felt his feet wet again and gave a step back, slowly, he didn’t want to show any evidence. “You don’t like water, right?”

Komaeda smiled and let go of the other’s hand, laughing sheepishly while waving his hands. “It’s not that, Hinata-kun! And if it was then you shouldn’t worry about…” he then dry swallowed, aware of the self-deprecating comment in mind. He decided to change his words. “It’s just that it’s getting dark and the water is getting cold too, haha.”

Hinata lifted an eyebrow, his face showing how much he wasn’t falling for Komaeda’s statement. “You’re afraid of water.”

“Huh?” he was so calm when he claimed that, as if reading the white haired boy’s mind. “What… W-Why do you think that, Hinata-kun?”

“You didn’t want to swim, every time that water comes to the shore you back off, and you’re pretty invested in covering those facts… Am I wrong?”

There were a few moments of silence, and Komaeda would have avoided the other’s fixed stare at him. However, there was no use in running away from the truth. He had to admit, Hinata’s serious look on his face made Komaeda notice there was no way out from his conclusion. “You… I guess you’re not?”

Komaeda shrugged, completely helpless. What was he supposed to do now? It had been days since he had woken up, but he still felt there was a part of Hinata full of mystery and things Komaeda didn’t understand yet.

_“They are both me.”_

_…_

_It’s not that hard to understand, isn’t it?_

“Anyways, Hinata-kun,” he then snapped, energetically, not liking the silence that was being built between them, “I think we should go back with the others, don’t you think? It’s so dark, I can hardly see you!”

That said, he started walking to where they were supposed to be: not next to the sea. However, he couldn’t get too far since it didn’t take long for Hinata to grab him by his arm. Komaeda turned around, confused, finding the other boy smiling at him. Or so he thought, night approached really fast. “Come here, Komaeda…”

When Hinata pronounced his last name, every time he did that, he couldn’t help shivering. His voice had different ways of sounding, or maybe Komaeda was being quite paranoid about it. In any case, this time he heard that tone of voice that sounded very like an order he had to follow. What kind of charm was it?

He ended up going back to his place next to Hinata and sighed, wanting to get relieved. What was he even nervous about in the first place?

“Did something more happen?” Hinata reached out for his hand, again, seeming quite preoccupied.

“No at all, Hinata-kun,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “I was wondering what you wanted, since I don’t think there’s much left for us to do here.”

“Maybe you’re right… but…”         

In that exact moment, Komaeda realized not having his shoes on was a bad idea. Hinata was in the same situation too when he started leading the white haired boy into the water.

“The water won’t be cold, so don’t worry about that,” Hinata reassured, as if that was the biggest of Komaeda’s fears.

“I-I know,” he bit his lower lip as soon as his feet touched the water, knowing this time he wouldn’t be able to back off.

“You told me a few minutes ago that it was getting cold,” Hinata stifled a laugh, Komaeda did the same.

“So you remember? What an amazing memory, Hinata-kun!”

He truly admired that, it wasn’t as if he could fake his amazement: it was purely genuine. Even so, there was still something bothering him, stinging inside him, but he had no clue about what it could be. After all, there wasn’t anything wrong at all. Hinata was, as always, showing off his talents in the best possible way although Komaeda didn’t think he was worth contemplating such wonderful spectacles by himself. He wouldn’t say that out loud, of course, not after the _promise_ he’d made with Hinata about not treating himself like trash.

“I don’t want to sound rude, but can I ask you what are we supposed to do here?” he realized kind of late that the water was reaching his knees, and Hinata was still moving forward.

“I just… I want you not to be scared anymore,” Hinata almost mumbled those words, as if not sure about wanting Komaeda to hear them.

“So you decided to show me yourself what my _luck_ can do?” at that statement, Hinata stopped walking and stared fixedly at Komaeda. “What’s wrong, Hinata-kun?

“Why are you talking about luck now?”

Again, he sounded serious. From the moment they started to get into the sea up to that moment Komaeda felt Hinata wasn’t so sure about his actions. Hesitation was clearly shown as he was walking deeper into the water, and, ironically, that hesitation was the one calming Komaeda down. However, now Hinata was being serious again. Every time Hinata did that kind of questions, he couldn’t help feeling that sting in his stomach.

“Nothing has happened because of your luck this last few days, right? From the moment you woke up, it seems that it haven’t been bothering you since then.”

“I know but, what if it decides to change? It’s quite peaceful right now, isn’t it? But who knows, anything can happen. When it comes to the sea life, where there’s still so much to be discovered, it's hard to tell whether things are going to be fine or not.”

“So you’re scared of what may happen here, in the sea, right?”

“Sea is pretty dangerous, Hinata-kun.”

“Komaeda, we’ve travelled by boat just yesterday and nothing happened.”

At this point, the white haired boy didn’t know if Hinata was being too patient or if he was laughing at his face, both options seemed correct and he didn’t mind at all.

“Hey, listen to me,” he then let go of Komaeda’s hand, cupping his cheeks with both of his. “Nothing bad will happen, I promise… There’s nothing to be scared about here.”

“How do you know that?” Komaeda inquired, wanting to feel relieved but, at the same time, still feeling as scared as before.

“I just… _know_ ,” again, that painful silence none of them wanted to be part of. Then, Hinata sighed and closed his eyes, he was probably focused on thinking. “First of all, this place doesn’t have any sign of dangerous living beings wandering around. Second, we’re a few meters from the shore so there’s no danger to be scared about. Third, the tide is pretty calm right now even though we’re reaching night time,” he then opened his eyes, staring back at Komaeda with an apologetic look. “A-Anyways… Just don’t worry, nothing bad will happen!”

And after a few seconds of silence, Komaeda laughed. It wasn’t a simple chuckle, he was laughing too much, a wide smile printed on his face. “You’re so amazing and full of hope, Hinata-kun. Those words were actually very precise and clear, I have to admit that I would have never thought I was so blind until now!”

“D-Don’t say stuff like that,” Hinata looked away, taking his hands off the other’s face. Afterwards, he decided to smile along with him. “Let’s just have fun, do you want to?”

“Have… fun?”

Suddenly, a splash of water hit him right on his face. He wasn’t actually expecting that, less Hinata’s laugher after that. “That kind of fun!” he claimed.

“Huh?” he automatically fixed his gaze on his robotic hand, the other boy probably noticed it too.

“Don’t worry about your arm, it’s kind of water-proof… A few drops of water won’t do it any bad.”

“Mm… Is that so?”

Then, Komaeda started to feel the little euphoria Hinata must have been feeling too. With his right hand, he did the same as Hinata just a few seconds ago, getting the other boy's face wet. It was quite fun, even though they were just playing with water and getting pretty soaked in the middle.

In the end, their clothes didn’t last dry at all. The good thing was that Hinata was right, the mechanical arm didn’t get harmed by the few "drops" of water that had fell onto it.

They started chasing each other in the sea and laughing out loud while doing something as silly as that. Soon they found themselves in front of each other, and Hinata pulled Komaeda into a kiss, one of those kisses that made the white haired boy feel he was in heaven.

The little waves crushing onto his legs didn’t bother him anymore. He was feeling safe.

* * *

 

The past few days had been more peaceful than Komaeda would have expected. Well, maybe because things were too calm and there was no need to be busy or out of control, it was what they all needed after so much work.

Of course, they spent a lot of time looking for interesting stuff to do on the island, since it was pretty different to the NEO World’s one. Even so, Komaeda was glad the old library was still there and it didn’t take long for Hinata and him to borrow more than a half of the books that were there. Now Komaeda had his cottage full of them, and even if he wanted to keep them organized, it was kind of difficult because they were a lot.

He had to admit, he was feeling kind of lonely while reading, but it didn’t feel bad. Hinata and he had decided it was okay for them to sleep in different cottages, at least for now. Meanwhile, this gave Komaeda time to prove his luck and if it worked while not being with Hinata.

Nothing had been happening though, and he didn’t know how he should feel about it. Was it something good or something bad? He didn’t know yet, and wasn’t thinking too deep about that either. Reading books kept his mind at ease, and sitting on the bed while doing so was the most comfortable thing too. Although he felt that he was more studying than reading, he was having a really good time. Any kind of book was good for him, and he would never despise knowledge. Less when that kind of knowledge helped him to see the world with different eyes.

He heard a knock on his door and as soon he heard that voice calling his name, he looked up, smiling, and invited his favourite person to come in. “Hinata-kun, what brings you here? It’s almost time to sleep.”

“Yeah, I know,” the brown haired boy rubbed the back of his neck and lowered his gaze. “I just wanted to know how are you, I haven’t seen you around since lunch.”

“Oh,” Komaeda straightened up, still sitting on the bed, the pillow behind his head falling. “I’m sorry that I worried you, I just stayed here reading and even forgot time passes so fast…”

“It’s fine,” Hinata smiled, taking the pillow that had fallen on the floor and putting it behind Komaeda’s neck again, before sitting on the bed beside him. As soon as he got to see the cover of Komaeda’s book, he raised an eyebrow. “What the hell are you reading?”

“Mm, this? It’s Linguistics!” Komaeda smiled, feeling kind of embarrassed.

“Yeah, I know… but why are you reading this? There wasn’t anything more interesting in all the books we brought here?”

“It’s not that! All the books here are interesting, including this one,” he then started flipping through the pages. “I found something about discourse analysis, and I realized that that’s what you did when we were at the beach a few days ago! You analysed my words and then realized that I was lying when I said I wasn’t scared of the sea, isn’t it?”

“Well, I think so...”

Komaeda couldn’t stop smiling. Somewhere in his mind he felt that what he was doing was kind of out of hand. What was he actually doing in the first place? Proving Hinata he also had knowledge? But why? There was no need for that, he already knew, he was being so trashy but, well, there was no way he could turn back now…

“But that’s not all,” Hinata continued, being serious. “The way you said those words, plus your facial expressions and your stuttering made it easier for me…”

The white haired boy blinked a few times, not sure how he had to feel about it. He knew there were still words coming out of Hinata’s mouth, but he couldn’t hear them. Or, at least, he wasn’t comprehending much of what he was saying.

Slowly, he started closing the book and afterwards left it just in front of him, while staring at Hinata talk non-sense about discourse, and speech, and some words Komaeda realized they weren’t even in his own vocabulary or language.

“And… Komaeda? What’s wrong?” As soon as he heard his name he snapped out of his thoughts, though still confused. He wanted to dry swallow but ended up coughing. “Are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah, don’t worry, Hinata-kun, keep talking! I just choked on my own saliva, what a fool,” he laughed and could feel his cheeks burning, maybe because he lacked of air a few seconds ago.

“I… I-It doesn’t matter,” Hinata rubbed at the back of his neck and bit his lip, it seemed that he felt uncomfortable.

“Oh, but it really matters! Everything you say is wonderful,” Komaeda said, sincerely. Even though he didn’t get a thing, there was no way he would want to shut Hinata up. “It’s not _boring_ at all, Hinata-kun.”

Suddenly, Komaeda thought he said something wrong. Although he thought he always said the wrong things, this time it was different, probably worse. Hinata was still looking away from him, but his eyes widened with Komaeda’s last words.

“Hinata…” he reached out, hesitantly, to touch his shoulder and got startled when the other boy turned his gaze towards him. “Did I say something wrong?”

“W-What? Not at all! I just…” with one head over his forehead, he got off the bed. “Sometimes my head hurts a little bit, you know? And it just happened but it’s not your fault at all, okay? Not. Your. Fault. Keep it in mind.”

Komaeda tilted his head, pure concern showing on his face. Hinata walked closer to him and gave him a kiss on his forehead. He then looked up and smiled, it was just a tiny grin. “I think you should go to sleep, Hinata-kun. It’s late and you seem tired.”

“Yes, I will… Thank you, Komaeda.”

And as soon as the door closed, leaving him all alone, his smile faded. He looked up to the ceiling, as if it would give him any answers.

Wait, should be there answers in the first place?

Komaeda got up, put the Linguistics book he was reading on the desk and even though he wanted to continue reading, he decided to turn his back on his books and go to bed. It was late not only for Hinata, but for him too.

It was dark and he was tired, but there was something inside of him that didn’t want to let him sleep well. Maybe he was overthinking things, he usually did.

Taking a deep and curling himself up to sleep better he brushed his bad thoughts aside. Tomorrow it would be a different day anyway.

* * *

 

It was breakfast time! Komaeda never gave too much credit to that kind of meal, but since last night he hadn't been able to get to sleep so much and the lack of energy was pretty obvious, he decided it was time to have something nice to eat.

He had to admit, having an amazing chef like Hanamura was a miracle, everyone always had the best breakfast served in front of them and Komaeda wasn’t the exception. Even so, he had his priorities when it came to preferences.

Before starting eating those pretty tempting fried eggs in front of him, he grabbed the salt to add some of it to his food. He was so hungry.

However, suddenly the salt cellar was snatched from his hands. Confused, he looked up to find Hinata staring at him, frowning. “What’s wrong, Hinata-kun?”

“Nothing, just…” he sat beside him, “why are you using too much salt?”

“Hm?” when he looked back at his eggs, he realized it was pretty noticeable how much of that he had added to them. “I like them this way.”

Even though he was giving Hinata the best of his grins, the latter simply frowned and shook his head in sign of denial. “You shouldn’t.”

Komaeda blinked a few times, kind of lost. “Why?”

“When I was analysing your medical condition while you were still, you know… in the program, I realized you had a little bit of high blood pressure so…” he basically took Komaeda’s plate away from him, just like he did with the salt, “too much salt won’t make you any good.”

“Huh? B-But I feel good, Hinata-kun. If it really was a problem, shouldn’t I have noticed any kind of symptom beforehand?”

His voice wasn’t loud, he wanted to speak quietly since, after all, they weren’t the only ones having breakfast at the restaurant. And, of course, he would never deny any kind of advice Hinata gave him, but that morning Komaeda felt extra exhausted and he wasn’t expecting that attitude from him at all.

“I always have this kind of meals, I prefer salty things over sweet ones and, I have to admit, sometimes I put a lot of salt on them but nothing bad has happened due to it so you shouldn’t worry.”

“You’re wrong, Komaeda,” those words hit him like a truck, his smile fading. Hinata started grabbing some rice and poured it into a new plate. “Sometimes there’re no symptoms involved, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to be careful.”

“I…” he was speechless, instantly shutting his mouth up when the plate of rice was placed in front of him.

On the other hand, Hinata changed his frowning expression to an apologetic one. “I’m sorry but… I just want the best for you, okay?”

His hand reached out to caress Komaeda’s cheek, and he simply nodded, staring at his front. His mind wandering in the thought that if he maybe hadn’t added so much salt on the fried eggs then he would have been able to eat them anyways, but in the end he had to reluctantly accept the almost saltless bowl of rice Hinata had decided to give him.

Again, he didn’t want to go against his decisions. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help noticing everyone else in the room became quieter. Komaeda looked up, finding out that a few of the boys and girls were staring at him but as soon as he noticed about that they turned away. Only Sonia, who was seated in front of him, gave him a smile and continued eating peacefully, she seemed kind of concerned though.

Komaeda returned the gesture but he couldn’t stop thinking there was something wrong. Not only because he thought so, but because everyone else seemed to have realized about it.

There was no doubt then, he was right all along: something was not okay at all.

* * *

 

That same afternoon, Komaeda was found at the beach. As usual, he preferred staying far from the sea. Just hearing the waves crashing onto the shore made him calm down, it actually seemed to be a really good time to fall sleep in there, after that bad night he’d had it wouldn’t be bad. Seated under a tree, hugging his knees, he was starting to doze off.

“Komaeda!” he lifted his chin, startled, at the mention of his name, at that voice pronouncing it. Turning his gaze around, he could notice Hinata running towards where he was seated. It didn’t take long for him to reach the spot. “Hey! W-What are you doing here?”

“First, why were you running, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda laughed.

“I… I was looking for you. What have you been doing?” he sat down just next to the other boy.

“It’s always nice to hear and look at the sea, don’t you think?” Komaeda smiled, he wasn’t lying after all. He wanted to be at ease, and staying at the correct distance away from the ocean was a good way to keep himself calm.

“I guess you’re right,” Hinata added, taking a deep breath and leaning onto Komaeda.

Staying like this it was pretty easy to forget any kind of uneasiness. Komaeda was sure that as soon as he closed his eyes he would fall asleep, he would sleep peacefully at the beach with his dearest person resting his head on his shoulder. It was perfect.

He wanted to move his hands so he could hug his knees more properly, but forgot about the little noises his robotic arm made when it was shifted. That sound made Hinata open his eyes and Komaeda chuckled, a little bit nervous.

“I should have probably made it less noisy, don’t you think?” Hinata asked, mumbling.

“No, not at all, Hinata-kun. I must admit that those little noises it makes are kind of entertaining sometimes and they can be funny too,” he reassured, staring at his mechanical hand, examining it cautiously. “I apologize in advance for sounding kind of disrespectful, but I have never thought about how much dedication you put into this thing… for someone like me.”

“Hm? What do you mean?” Hinata pulled away from Komaeda, adjusting his position a little bit.

“I mean that this arm is amazing, it has so many interesting features that it wouldn’t impress me if you tell me that it has a laser or something like that included,” Komaeda laughed, and the other boy smiled at that gesture. “I was wondering… Was it really necessary to make it so perfect? Am I really allowed to use this masterpiece?”

“Of course you are, idiot,” Hinata pulled him closer, circling the other’s waist with an arm. “I made it for you after all, right?”

“Yeah, I know…” Komaeda kept his gaze fixed on his arm, the one that was the most precious gift he would have ever thought of having. “I was wondering… How did you come up with the idea of working on this?”

“I…” Hinata bit his lips, as if looking for the proper answer to that question.

“It probably was because this was way better than having… you know, _that_ arm. Anyways, you had a brilliant idea and I still can’t find myself to be the right person to use it. However, I’m glad I could be a stepping stone for your hope, if that’s okay?”

“It wasn’t just that.”

“Hm?”

Komaeda’s smile faded, and he finally stopped staring at his beloved arm so he could turn to look at Hinata, who was staring blankly at the front.

“Oh, it’s okay if I’m wrong then.”

_It seems that I’m always wrong when I’m with you anyways._

“Could you tell me what was your purpose?”

_Could you correct me right now? Like you have been doing all the time lately?_

“It would be a pleasure to hear your point of view. After all, I wasn’t there to witness such hopeful achievement!”

“Yeah, you were still in the program…” when Komaeda heard his voice, low and unexpectedly cold, he suddenly forgot what he was talking about.

“I-I know… That’s why, Hinata-kun, your hope was surely so bright that—”

“It was so boring.”

Komaeda blinked a few times and stayed frozen, silent, only the waves crashing onto the shore could be heard. “W-What?”

“Everything was so boring. I didn’t want to leave the island because I wouldn’t want to leave you alone, nor I wanted to stay there because… it was simply boring.”

“So…” he found himself pulling away from the other’s grip, hugging his knees again but even tighter than before, knuckles getting whiter than they already were. Just like always, he could sense there was something wrong, though this time it was like he was scared about hearing more answers. Nevertheless, he had to continue. “What did you decide to do then?”

“I worked on that arm of yours.”

Komaeda felt all weak for a moment, unable to utter a single word. He dry swallowed and looked down, burying his feet in the ground. He wanted to bury his whole body in the sand too. “So you… worked on it because you were bored?”

There was no answer, at least not an immediate one, and Komaeda couldn’t help the laughter escaping from his mouth.

“I should have known, it was pretty pretentious of me thinking that you would do such special thing for me just because you wanted to. Obviously, your point of view makes so much more sense than mine…”

Hinata finally turned his face away from the front, staring back at Komaeda. His calm and cold countenance changing into a really concerned one. “K-Komaeda? What are you saying?”

“Huh?” Komaeda lifted his gaze, looking back at him. “You don’t know? I thought you knew everything…”

“Well, I think you—”

“Great, amazing, Hinata! Show me your hope! Just like you always do! Correct me, analyse me, read my mind and use me as much as you like. After all, that’s all I am: a test subject, a stepping stone for your hope, right?”

“No, that’s not it, Komaeda…” Hinata reached out to take the other’s hand, but then Komaeda stood up, avoiding it. “You’re not making any sense, don’t say those things…”

“Yeah, maybe I am… since you’re always right,” he continued saying, his sharp and bitter words hidden behind the mask of smile printed on his face.

“That’s not it, I… Komaeda, what happened? Did I do something wrong?” Hinata stood up too, and he seemed so preoccupied that his eyes wouldn’t leave Komaeda’s alone. Those green and red eyes were haunting him.

“Shouldn’t you know about it?” Komaeda could feel his stomach twitching, it even felt difficult to breath. “You always know. You’re always a step ahead of me, and that’s okay, you’re so amazing now, so full of talent. But…”

“But…?”

Komaeda continued staring back at him, trying to figure it out. Trying to figure out the thing inside him bothering him so much. When he looked into Hinata’s eyes, he could tell he wasn’t staring at the Hinata he met back in the program. And not only because his eyes were different, of course, it was all about the thing that had been bothering him for days now…

Hinata was so amazing, so why would he be bothered about that? It was so unlike him. After all, hadn’t he been mad when he discovered the fact that he was part of the Reserve Course? Hadn’t he been mad back then about the fact that he cared about him as if he were talented? And now that he was the most hopeful person in the world, was there a reason to be mad at him?

“Komaeda… I—”

“I hate talent,” he claimed, somehow not even believing the words coming out of his mouth. His eyes felt watery, and it was hard to contain the tears when Hinata was staring at him with such sad expression. “I hate it so much…”

“I… I think you should rest Komaeda, you seem to be really tired,” he lifted a hand and caressed Komaeda’s cheeks, wiping away the few tears.

“I don’t want you to tell me this,” but he pulled away the hand on his face. “It’s not fair, it’s so disgusting… Just go away.”

“I won’t.”

“You should.”

Hinata sighed and hesitantly hugged him, as if that could fix everything, as if Komaeda would have wanted to keep him that close. He didn’t want to, but he stayed anyways. Tears rolling down his face, still feeling that uneasiness haunting him, lingering in his insides and getting worse as the time passed.

It felt so stupid and, even so, he couldn’t help how much it hurt him.

* * *

 

Komaeda felt so numb, dizziness taking over him. Not knowing how he got there, he was back to his cottage, resting on his bed. He was probably way too tired to even remember that fact. As far as he could see, Hinata was seated at the edge of his bed, staring at him. Komaeda couldn’t help frowning, the only thing he probably remembered was what had happened at the beach.

“Hey, how are you?” Hinata got closer, reaching out to touch the other’s forehead, the white haired boy didn’t mind too much. “You’ve got fever… you really need to rest.”

Komaeda smiled, lips curving up tiredly. “I feel good though, but I’ll stay here anyways…”

“Okay.”

“Though I’d appreciate if you could go away… Sorry if I’m sounding kind of rude.”

Hinata bit his lips and looked down while nodding, then sighed and got up from the bed. “Don’t worry, it’s fine.”

In spite of his words, his face didn’t show any signs of being “fine” and the same was for Komaeda, who couldn’t help turning his gaze away, unable to look at the other’s.

“You’ll get better if you rest well, okay? Good night, Komaeda.”

“Good night, Hinata-kun,” he responded, a lightless smile still on his face. And when the door closed, Komaeda couldn’t help burying himself deeper into the sheets. After all, it seemed that it was already time to sleep. He felt awfully bad, maybe because of the fever and maybe because…

_“It was so boring.”_

_“I hate talent.”_

At that point, he didn’t know which statement was the worst one, Hinata’s or his.

He curled himself up, feeling cold and with his head pounding heavily. Nevertheless, he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened.

Since when he hated talent? Maybe he was way too sick to even deny that, maybe he’d have to apologize to Hinata later for being such stupid trash. But, on the other hand, he quite knew where that idea came from…

_“I can’t believe I actually said I wanted a world without any talent…”_

His words back in the program, after coming out of that world created by his mind in his asleep, echoed throughout his head.

He couldn’t help but smile at the memory of that world he’d built, it was a nice dream after all. However, he remembered that AI that appeared at the end to destroy everything in there…

_“That world, and the people inhabiting it, were a reflection of your own desires.”_

Now he even thought it was kind of weird have been in front of that AI, Izuru Kamukura’s AI. Thinking deep about it, wasn’t his way of talking not too different from Hinata’s now?

_“They are both me.”_

He remembered, again. There was no use in separating Hinata from Kamukura, wasn’t it? The only difference he should spot was the talent, the huge amount of talent. He thought it was good, that it was full of hope. But, in the end, he came to the conclusion it wasn’t like that.

Komaeda stared at his robotic arm one more time, and the bad memories from a few hours ago didn’t take long to haunt him. Frowning, he started taking his arm off. He didn’t like doing that, but since he had to do the same process every time he had a shower then it shouldn’t make a difference, just that he never took it off to sleep. A little bit hesitantly, he left the arm on the bedside table.

He used to like the idea of having that special device together with him even in his sleep, he used to think of it as the most precious gift someone could have ever given him. But he also should have already known, it wasn’t as if trash like him deserved such amazing trait.

Hinata’s words hit him hard, even though he should have expected something like that. Again, he would probably apologize later.

After all, he was the one always wrong, wasn’t him?

* * *

 

The next morning, Komaeda wasn’t too excited about having breakfast. In any case, he grabbed the kind of fried eggs the day before he couldn’t eat and then took the salt to add some to them.

_“I’m sorry but… I just want the best for you, okay?”_

Lately he had been hearing Hinata’s voice in his mind a lot, it was like a “friendly” reminder that he should listen to him. Komaeda sighed, salt cellar resting in hand but not moving. Soon he realized someone sat beside him, and when he looked around to confirm who it was, he should have seen it coming.

Hinata smiled at him as soon as their gazes met, eyes quickly focusing on the salt Komaeda had in hand. The latter thought he was going to have to listen to the same lecture from the day before, slowly regretting all his actions. However, his predictions failed.

“Good morning, Komaeda,” Hinata was still smiling. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, I do… Thank you. And good morning for you too,” he returned the gesture, even though things between them felt kind of awkward: there was a clear distance between them, physically and emotionally.

“So… You decided not to put your arm back on?” at that question, Komaeda’s heart gave a jump. He totally forgot to put it on after sleeping the night before.

“Oh, no. I only had a shower and forgot about it,” in part he was lying, and it was probably obvious. Well, somehow he’d get Hinata’s daily lecture, wouldn’t he?

“I see… Well, better forget about putting it on than forgetting to take it off, right?” The brown haired boy was still smiling, even laughing, and Komaeda simply nodded at his statement, gaze slowly going back towards his food.

_Won’t he question my argument?_

It seemed that the “wrong thing” he was so used to sense changed its connotation. But, well, what was he supposed to expect anyway? Confusion lingered in the air, shutting his stomach and making him want to go back to his room to continue sleeping, he was probably still feeling sick, maybe he also still had fever.

But, at the same time, he wanted to stay. Couldn’t things continue being normal? Well, he was the one who decided to be mad in the first place. That reminded him, wasn’t he going to apologize? His guts twisted inside of him at the simple thought of it. When he turned his head a little bit, he could notice Hinata taking his own breakfast, a carefree and serene aura surrounded him and it gave Komaeda the feeling that he really was the Hinata whom he spent a lot of time in the program’s island after all.

“Thanks for the food,” he said before starting eating and looked at Komaeda, still smiling at him.

The white haired boy quickly turned his gaze back to his plate, staring at it in doubt. Taking a deep breath, he dry swallowed and then said: “Thanks for the food,” before taking a fork and, without adding more salt than the food already had, starting to eat his breakfast.

* * *

 

That evening it wasn't as if Komaeda could stop thinking about Hinata. No matter how many books he grabbed, no matter how many hours he had been reading, it was impossible.

The main question, the main dilemma, wandering in his mind and not wanting to go away: Who was the wrong one? Hinata or him?

For Komaeda it was pretty clear he had been wrong, he wasn't selfish and would never put the blame on someone else, less Hinata. Still, he couldn't help feeling bad about everything. Books weren't making him forget, they weren't even keeping him entertained. He was bored.

_"It was boring."_

Komaeda bit his lips while flipping through the pages of that romance book he was reading, or just trying to read. It was too cliché for him, would Hinata feel the same about it? He stifled a laugh, of course he would. Everything should be pretty predictable for him now, shouldn't it? And Komaeda obviously didn't think of his own self as an exception either.

He was still trying to find the perfect timing to apologize to Hinata. And when he heard a knock on the door, and then _that_ person called his name, he couldn't help but to think the opportunity was kind of near. Closer than he was prepared for.

He gulped and closed the stupid book he'd wasted so much time reading, before getting off the bed so he could open the door next. He had to admit how nervous he actually felt, his hands gripping the doorknob hesitantly and the door opening at a really noticeable slow pace. It gave him time to think about what to say next, how to act.

He simply smiled at the boy in front of him. "Oh… Hi, Hinata-kun! What a surprise! Is there something wrong?"

He wouldn't have asked that so directly, but the other looked as if something awful had happened. It wasn't the serious countenance Komaeda had accustomed to see, it was more lightless or… hurt? "Hi, Komaeda… C-Can I come in?"

"Of course, there was no need to ask!" Komaeda, on the other hand, tried to act as cheerful as he could. And as soon as Hinata came in and the door shut behind him, a weirdly dark aura surrounded both boys. "Are you alright, Hinata-kun? You look bad... I'm worried."

Somehow, he felt those words didn't belong to him. In fact, it had to be the other way around when it came to concerns, Hinata was always worrying about him after all, right? Nevertheless, Komaeda wasn't going to argue too much with his mind at the moment.

"If you don't want to talk about it, I don't mind. It surely is none my business anyways."

"No, it's not that..." Hinata seemed to ignore his words and simply sat on the bed's edge. "I'm not feeling well, my head hurts a lot..."

"Mm... Haven't you taken medicine or something?"

"Nothing works... I don't know what to do."

_He... doesn't know?_

Komaeda blinked a few times, sort of confused. Soon he was sat beside Hinata, smiling at him, although the things between them didn't seem the best. Probably Komaeda was overthinking things, lately he had been doing that way too much. But he had so many things in his mind, not knowing what to bring up first. He thought the other boy may be feeling the same way. And as soon as Hinata stared at him, Komaeda could actually feel his mind going completely blank in a split of a second.

"I... I feel bad."

The white haired boy tilted his head, smile slowly disappearing. "How bad?" he asked.

"I mean, not only my head hurts. I..." he bit his lip, directing his gaze specifically towards Komaeda's left arm, a little grin spreading sheepishly on his face. "You put it back now, huh."

"Hm? My arm?" Komaeda felt even more embarrassed than he already was, he couldn't help chuckling. "I... Yeah, I told you, I had forgotten about it before."

"Yeah... You're right," Hinata again looked down, his expression turning into a sad one again. "About that… I'm sorry."

Komaeda was kind of expecting the topic to be brought up after the look Hinata gave to his arm. However, this didn't mean he wanted to talk too much about it, though he smiled to the other boy anyway. "You don't have to apologize, Hinata-kun. It was my bad, I overreacted to something as silly as what you said."

"It wasn't silly for you," Hinata frowned. "And I didn't mean saying what I said... at all. I just... I don't know what happened."

"You were sincere, Hinata-kun. And that's okay because truth is something really important, don’t you think?" his smile grew wider, while Hinata was still frowning.

"No, you don't understand. I..." after an interrupted silence provoked by himself, Hinata took a deep breath and shook his head, closing his eyes, "I don't have any idea about what happened, but I know it hurt you."

"And what's the problem about that?" his words that sounded ordinary when coming out of his mouth, seemed to be just the opposite for Hinata.

"That what's the problem? Komaeda... I would never want to hurt you," his hands reached the others, holding them tightly right in front of their eyes. "Haven't I told you? You're important for me, the most important person, I only want the best for you. Don't I always tell you this?"

Komaeda looked down at their joined hands, smile fading and thinking he was probably shaking a lot. He knew Hinata wouldn't lie to him, it was always clear, but it was still so hard for him to comprehend, to understand the pure meaning of those words.

"Komaeda, look at me," Hinata freed one of his hands to lift the other's chin up. The white haired boy found that two-colour gaze staring at him, and it gave him a weirdly calming feeling. "I love you... Even if I'm not the best at showing it."

Komaeda shook his head, his lips curving up a little bit. "That's not it, I..."

_I want to understand why you act this way._

“I… I’m also sorry, Hinata-kun. I was really _selfish_ yesterday.”

It wasn’t the best apology he could have come up with, but he still felt he wasn’t too ready for that so he just spat it out. Then he hold onto Hinata’s hands against his chest, tightly, feeling that he was the worst person in the world for having the right to do so.

"I know you do your best… that you do the best for everyone here. And I'm honoured to have you by my side, Hinata-kun. You don’t know how much…"

_I'd say you’re hopeful, full of talent, but... Is this what really matters to me now?_

"And I love you too," he admitted, although he was hiding lots of thoughts, although he wasn't being as honest as he knew Hinata was being with him. It was sad, trash like him deserved the worst. But even if he had unanswered questions within his mind and was hiding a lot of things in there, he would never have the guts to say 'I love you' without truly feeling it. Love was a strong feeling, one that was making him the happiest person in the world but, at the same time, it was slowly bringing him down.

Hinata smiled and giggled, face getting closer to Komaeda's. "Thank you."

"Why?" the white haired boy whispered, feeling Hinata's breath against his cheeks, clouding his field of vision.

"I think my head hurts less now..." their foreheads were softly touching, noses brushing.

"You will feel even better if you rest, don't you agree?" Komaeda licked his own lips, heart in his throat, pounding heavily.

"Yeah, but..." Hinata's hands left Komaeda's, only to cup his cheeks, wanting to bring him closer, as if that was even possible, "I prefer being like this, don’t you agree?"

The white haired boy simply nodded, feeling as if he had been enchanted with some kind of spell. And when Hinata's lips pressed against his, he could swear it was actual magic after all.

They used to hug, kiss and hold hands, but the way their mouths were dancing against each other now was making Komaeda gasp for air, unsatisfied. It was a new kind of contact, wasn't it? Before he could react, his back was being pressed against the mattress. Hinata playing with his hair while kissing him. It was amazing.

However, seemed like it would obviously not last forever. Hinata slowly abandoned the other's lips, leaving Komaeda half confused and half astonished. Even so, Hinata was just the opposite. He kept staring, deadpanned, at Komaeda for a couple of seconds, while keeping a proper distance between them.

"What's wrong?" the white haired boy asked, not having a clue at all about what was going on. His hesitant right hand attempted to reach Hinata's face. But in the end, his words made him stay behind.

"At first I thought there was no reason for us to meet again, remember?"

Komaeda stayed frozen for a moment, then narrowed his languid eyes to focus on the other’s face with the hope of getting all the pieces of the puzzle together. However, it didn't took him long to. He couldn’t help gulping at the realization.

_Could it be…?_

"I could have let that happen, back when you were in the program... Nevertheless, I couldn't."

Hinata's gaze was cold, full of that kind of seriousness that Komaeda was getting accustomed to but that, at the same time, he couldn't ignore at all. And he also was surprised when Hinata's hand reached his cheek. It was cold. That icy touch started drawing imaginary lines, an imaginary trajectory, across his face.

"I don't have a clear idea of what didn't let me do as I pleased."

"You don't know?" Komaeda argued, kind of getting into the dark and almost senseless conversation.

"I don't find an answer," and at that specifically cold response, Komaeda's trembling mouth opened once again. He was hesitant but, if possible, also sure of his next question...

"You're not Hinata-kun, aren't you?" It could sound like the stupidest question he could have ever asked, but he had that doubt lingering in his mind. He tried to act calm about it, trying to decipher the other’s words. He wanted to know more about that, he wanted answers, he wanted to have his ideas clear.

"What do you think?" That was another question, sounding serious and giving Komaeda the impression that, after all, he wouldn't get answers from anyone else but himself. He just smiled, already knowing what could happen if he took that person's words the wrong way.

"I think it's time to rest," he concluded, smile still on his face.

The other boy just nodded, pulling away from Komaeda and then walking peacefully towards one of the sides of the bed, while the other boy sat at the edge, staring blankly at the front and thinking…

_What have just happened?_

When the day before they were at the beach, Hinata was that kind of serious but the change in his way of acting hadn’t been something Komaeda could have noticed easily. This time it was different, everything changed from one way to another in the blink of an eye.

Komaeda turned around, to look at the boy who was already lying on the bed.

_Maybe he’s just feeling sick, since he said his head hurt…_

He sighed, still having those weird questions lingering in his mind. It was bound to happen, even after their apologies it felt like there were a lot of things left to talk about.

Hesitantly, he got to the other side of the bed, thinking that it was the first time he’d share one with Hinata. The situation was awkward by itself, but things got even more complicated. Komaeda only hoped he would be able to rest for at least a few hours. He had hope because, after all, wasn’t he be going to sleep next to _him_? Wasn’t that a good thing?

He wasn’t too close to the other boy, nor too far. He was nervous, confused and pretty tired.

As soon as he turned the dim light from the night stand off, he gave a last glance at Hinata. “Good night… Hinata-kun.”

He was kind of unsure about the answer he could get, but then the other boy opened his eyes a little bit and slightly curved his lips up. “Good night too, Komaeda.”

Hinata got closer and kissed him briefly, brushing their mouths, before finally closing his eyes. And that was exactly what Komaeda less needed that night, because it left him even more confused than before.

He sighed and closed his eyes too. However, with all the questions still in mind, he had very clear that it was going to be difficult to sleep fast.

* * *

 

The room was still dark but somehow Komaeda managed to open his eyes. He usually overslept so now it being the other way around was kind of confusing for him, maybe it was because he'd been feeling uneasy from the moment he went to sleep together with Hinata. When he turned around, he could tell he was still sleeping next to him. Not too far, not too close, at the perfect distance that could give them enough space for each other.

Komaeda smiled, staring at Hinata even if it was dark to see properly. He didn't mind, soon his eyes were getting accustomed to the darkness anyway.

"Hinata-kun?" he whispered with his dry and hoarse voice, and the only answer he got was a frown and a twitch of nose, he was surely still asleep.

Shifting as slowly as possible, Komaeda’s right hand approached the other’s face, wanting to touch it. However, in the end he decided it was better to only stare so there wouldn't be any inconvenience and Hinata wouldn’t wake up.

_That would be an act of luck, right?_

As soon as that thought reached his mind he frowned, remembering how his luck was now something very distant from him. It had been really weird at first, but now he was getting so used to his lack of luck, to the lack of talent.

The word talent pounded in his mind, and he didn't know whether that was a good sign or not. He was sleeping next to the most talented person in the world, knowing it started as something artificial and that maybe that was the fact getting him all confused. He still had a lot of things in mind regarding Hinata and how much of different he was now.

Somehow, Komaeda was only seeing Hinata now as the boy that was unconscious at the NEO World's beach, that aura of serenity surrounding him at the moment was making him remember.

_He's really handsome, isn't he? That never changed..._

He smiled, feeling his cheeks burning at the thought. He couldn't help feeling he was truly lucky that he had someone like Hinata next to him.

_Lucky..._

Maybe his luck was still wandering around. After all, wasn't bad luck not being able to understand completely Hinata's actions? Or not being sure about his true feelings towards him? Or towards his talents?

In the end, how he should feel about what had happened the night before?

_"At first I thought there was no reason for us to meet again, remember?"_

_"I don't have a clear idea of what didn't let me do as I pleased."_

Did that actually mean Hinata hadn’t always wanted Komaeda to wake up? How was he supposed to feel about that? Between what happened at the beach and what happened the night before, Komaeda could only get bad conclusions and he didn’t want to. Because getting bad ideas would discard every single thing Hinata had ever told him about how he truly felt...

_“I couldn’t have left you there, it was just impossible for me…So, please… Stop saying it was a mistake.”_

His heart squeezed when he remembered those words, but now he didn’t have a clue of what to think about them.

He sighed, thinking that going back to sleep again wasn’t an option. Besides, he could tell by the dim rays of light entering from the window that it wasn’t as early as he thought it was. Obviously, it should be pretty early for him but, well, what else could he do now besides getting up? Soon he was out of bed, realizing he didn’t have clothes to put on since, in the first place, he hadn’t taken them off to sleep.

A few meters from leaving his cottage, he turned around to stare at Hinata one more time. Komaeda smiled at him and, afterwards, he slowly pulled the door open to finally leave. It was time to have his mind cleared by the morning breeze.

* * *

 

It was pretty cold outside, he hid both of his hands in his green coat's pockets as soon he realized. Of course, the orange colour of the sun denoted it had to be around seven in the morning. Probably Komaeda was the only one wanting to have breakfast at that time, he thought that even Hanamura should be sleeping at the moment.

Well, it didn't mind. He knew he'd probably have to cook something by and for himself, although he knew he was especially bad at those things, and afterwards he...

What was he going to do next?

He wanted that day to be better, to have his mind at ease. But, before that, he had to talk to Hinata. Because having a good time implied getting rid of those questions in mind about the boy who had spent the night sleeping in his cottage.

Maybe having breakfast all alone would help him clear his mind. Yes, that was actually a good idea. He reached the restaurant faster than he expected, but his plan suddenly felt ruined.

_Well, so my luck is probably still here, isn't it?_

Not only it took him by surprise the fact that he wasn't the only one already up, but it seemed that the three people in front of him felt as startled as he was.

"Oh, Komaeda-san, It's such a surprise to have you here so early," Sonia was the first one to speak, turning around to stare at the white haired boy and tilting her head.

"Yeah, that's weird," Souda, who was seated just beside Sonia, added.

"You seem tired, those bags under your eyes..." Koizumi crossed her arms, "Have you even slept?"

Komaeda blinked, totally not expecting them being around. They weren't even having or preparing breakfast, they just were there. Also, was it really that obvious that he hadn't been having the best sleep those past few days? Ignoring that fact, he smiled in return to the girl's question. "I'm so sorry that you have to deal with me this early, guys. But, well, as you can tell I couldn't sleep longer."

"Did something happen?" Sonia looked worried.

"No, not at all. Besides, if something had happened you shouldn't worry about it."

Koizumi raised an eyebrow and Souda sighed, "When it comes to you there's always something weird going around anyways," the latter said.

"Souda, if you're going to say 'encouraging' stuff like that then just shut up," despite Koizumi's sharp words, she was still smiling.

"No, it's okay," Komaeda laughed sheepishly. "Actually... Don't worry, there's nothing wrong."

The three of them looked at each other, as if looking for answers. Whatever they were thinking, it looked like they hadn't bought what Komaeda stated. Sonia smiled, but soon her expression changed and her polite grin seemed to be become an apologetic one, “I couldn’t help but notice things between Hinata-san and you have been… quite different this past few days.”

“Huh? Sonia-san, have you been spying on them or something?” Souda commented.

“How dare you say something like that!?” the princess snapped, startled. “It’s just something that one can easily see.”

“Y-Yeah, you’re right,” Souda rubbed at the back of his neck, he seemed nervous. “Hinata can be… Well, _nothing_.”

Komaeda tilted his head at that statement. “How can he be?”

“I think you would explain us better, don’t you think?” Koizumi smiled. It was everything so weird for him. Actually, he felt that the only one there that wasn’t sounding strange was Sonia. And, plus, she was the only one looking concerned. “C’mon sit down… Though if you’re expecting food, Hanamura isn’t even awake yet, so forget about it.”

“Oh, you’re right… How disrespectful of me,” Komaeda didn’t think twice before grabbing a sit, beside Koizumi and in front of Sonia and Souda. They all stared at him as if expecting him to say something else. “I guess I’ll have talk after all, right? Haha…”

“Man, why are you always acting as if you were hiding something?” Souda crossed his arms. Komaeda simply smiled at him.

“I don’t think I am hiding anything, it’s just…” he tilted his head, staring blankly at the table.

_It’s just… What?_

It seemed that instead of getting all his questions cleared out of his mind, he was getting new unanswered ones. He would choose shutting up, why making people care about something as stupid as his problems?

“I don’t think is necessary that I talk about what’s happening in my worthless life. I’m sure you three have many more interesting and less painful stories than all the things I could say,” Komaeda said, calmly. As if his words didn’t mean anything serious.

“That’s not true…” Koizumi frowned for the first time that day.

“She’s right,” Sonia had her serious gaze fixed on Komaeda. “You don’t have to say such awful things about yourself, Komaeda-san. Besides, we all care about you.”

“I…” Komaeda blinked a few times, before smiling again and almost getting up from his seat. “I appreciate it but, don’t worry, things aren’t bad at all. So I think I’ll go back to sleep, I’m still tired…”

“Komaeda…” Koizumi and Souda growled at the same time.

“It may not be my concern but… If you have a problem involving Hinata, we could try to help.”

The white haired boy who was about to leave the place, feeling as if one more question could make his head explode, suddenly felt the need to stay. He still felt it was useless, that there was no need for everyone to know what was crossing through his mind. Anyway, Sonia was the one who seemed concerned from the very start, who wasn’t going to let it go easily. Probably Koizumi would do the same, but she seemed more worried about Komaeda’s actions than what could have happened with Hinata, and same with Souda.

The idea of opening up to anyone was frightening after all, he didn’t want to do that.

_It’s just about Hinata-kun though, right?_

“Sincerely, he had been… fine,” Sonia’s smile widened. “Since the day you woke up, he has been doing well. But I think we can all agree that… it hadn’t been like that before.”

“Being the last to wake up must have been great at some point, but you seem not to know some things and that can be confusing…” Souda finally spoke.

“Oh, then you can tell me what I couldn’t have known, right? That should be helpful!” Komaeda’s eyes were shining. “It would really be a pleasure for me to hear such hopeful things that happened before I could get to wake up. Ah… I’m sure it was such an act of bad luck not being able to witness everything after all!”

“I won’t say anything if you put it like that,” Souda said.

“We don’t know whether to tell you or not, isn’t it Hinata’s problem anyways?” Koizumi ignored the latter, focusing on Komaeda. “But well, who knows…”

“Maybe he just forgot about everything, he was being so creepy after all…”

“Creepy?” Komaeda knitted his eyebrows, confused.

“I think Souda-san used a word a little bit… extravagant. But what he meant is that… yes, he was acting quite not like himself.”

“When we could finally get out of the program he was pretty fine,” Souda shrugged, “but…”

“I remember that when I woke up he was acting all fine, but it didn’t take long until he started being more serious about what he was doing. Though I thought it was good, he seemed to have been working a lot to get us to wake up after all!” Koizumi concluded.

Komaeda watched quietly as the other three discussed about Hinata and what he had done that he didn’t know. It was good like this, it felt as if he didn’t have to give any details about how he truly felt about that. He limited himself to smile and nod once in a while, though his mind was still looking for questions to be answered.

When it came to questions, he felt he was actually not too bad at solving them. Still, if he haven’t had the opportunity to solve the little mysteries left yet, it was because there was a part of the puzzle missing.

Hopefully, he had the right people to bring back those pieces. It could have been bad luck not being able to be in the dining room alone, but at least his questions would be answered faster than he thought.

Was this how his luck acted now? So innocently? He didn’t know how to feel about it, maybe he was being too paranoid and his life now really didn’t involve any cycle of luck in the middle of it.

“Komaeda…” Koizumi spoke, snapping Komaeda out of his deep thoughts. “We asked you a question.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I spaced out,” he chuckled. “I don’t think any of my answers would help you, but if you insist… I would never deny a favor from you, guys!”

“O-Okay…” Souda started.

“We were wondering… What do you think of Hinata-san now?” Sonia was the one who inquired, Komaeda just kept smiling.

“I don’t think my opinion about Hinata-kun matters at all. After all, haven’t I missed lots of things regarding him?”

“Even so, you know Hinata better than we all do,” Koizumi argued him.

“You’re almost all the time with him after all…” Souda added.

“I’m sure you understand him more than anyone else here,” Sonia smiled at him, but Komaeda wasn’t able to return the gesture.

At those words, he couldn’t help thinking that, in the end, there was something about Hinata that he didn’t comprehend. Why couldn’t he read Hinata’s mind? Why wasn’t it easy now? And why it was the other way around now?

Maybe it was his time not to have a clue about anything Hinata was thinking about, was that the way Komaeda would pay for all the bad things he made the other feel in the past?

The day Hinata could understand him had already come, and now it was his turn to do the same, wasn’t it?

But with all the questions still unanswered inside his mind, he was afraid that that day would never come after all.

 “Because…” despite the seconds of silence, Sonia continued, “before you woke up, Hinata wasn’t being himself. He seemed sad… all the time. Then his look of sadness changed into a cold one, it was hard to tell what he was thinking about. So the only thing we could do was let him be…”

“We didn’t get to talk to him much, it actually always seemed like a bad idea to do that…” Souda looked down. “I thought at first that he was stressed, so the best thing was leaving him alone.”

“Well, basically thanks to him the ones who were still in the program, like you and me, were able to wake up,” Koizumi smiled at Komaeda and also shrugged. “Maybe it was a lot of pressure for him, I don’t really know…”

“Yes, Hinata-san worked a lot and it’s wonderful,” then Sonia turned to stare at Komaeda again, focusing on his attention. “I won’t ask you to tell me what happened between Hinata-san and you, but I want to tell you that he was really preoccupied about you. His coldest and loneliest moments took place before you woke up.”

Komaeda looked down, he wanted to have those words in mind, wanted to believe them. However, Hinata saying that everything was “boring” back then made him think that, in fact, the three people in front of him were seeing things he now couldn’t.

“But…” still, he wouldn’t stop Sonia from talking. She seemed to be really serious, though she was still smiling. “But the moment he knew you would wake up, he started to smile again. He was back to himself again.”

“Why do you tell me this?” Komaeda then asked, gaining a few confused looks in return.

If Hinata was “back to himself” just like they were telling, why was Komaeda seeing him as someone different? Of course, he was probably the only one wrong there, as usual.

“Hinata-kun did a great job, unfortunately I wasn’t able to see him do it but, well,” he joined his hands. “We’re all here and everything’s okay now. Hinata-kun’s hope is shining, just like it have always done… So there’re no problems regarding him. But, anyways, I really appreciate the things that you have told me, really.”

“Are you sure…?” Souda had a look that showed a weird mix of concern and fear on his face.

“Yes, thank you,” Komaeda smiled and got up from his seat. “Since it’s pretty early… I think I’ll go back to my cottage. I’ll come back later to have breakfast after all.”

He then was about to leave, because what was the point of staying there any longer? He had a new plan now. However, when he was about to finally go outside, Sonia called him one more time.

“What is it, Sonia-san?” Komaeda turned around and smiled at her.

“I hope things with Hinata-san go well,” she then smiled back and the white haired boy nodded, before finally leaving the place.

No matter how much they all thought they knew about his insecurities, he was the only one who could solve every single one of his own problems. Even so, he couldn’t deny everything the others’ said did actually help.

But what other people say would not solve things, he had to talk to Hinata first.

_I also hope things with Hinata-kun go well…_

Speaking of him, on his way back to his cottage he could visualize Hinata coming out of it. He looked pretty worried and of course he would after noticing Komaeda wasn’t sleeping beside him. However, that worried countenance changed when he saw the white haired boy walking towards him.

“Hinata-kun!”

“K-Komaeda… Where were you?” the other inquired, both now in front of each other.

Komaeda had to stifle a laugh when he saw Hinata’s spiky hair all messy, he clearly had just woken up. A little bit hesitant, he reached out to brush his hair a little bit. “I was at the restaurant… I thought that there would be something to eat but not.”

Hinata then sighed. “I was actually scared… Why didn’t you tell me anything?”

“Nothing bad happened, Hinata-kun. And I was already heading back to check whether you were still sleeping or not,” he reassured. “Anyways, since there’s no food to eat and we both are already awake, how about going to the beach a little bit?”

Hinata blinked, probably confused by the sudden invitation. Of course, Komaeda already knew that it wasn’t likely of him to suggest things to do together with Hinata, but this time he deeply needed it to turn out that way. “O-okay… Are you alright, Komaeda?”

“Of course! Let’s just have a good time walking by the shore! What do you think about it?” not even having his question finished, he was already walking towards the beach. He wasn’t going to accept any other question until they both reached that place after all.

With a smile on his face, Hinata followed Komaeda. “It’s a good idea, let’s go.”

Komaeda’s mind wasn’t still clear, but he was sure that the hope he believed in was going to help him on that matter somehow.

* * *

 

After walking all the way to the beach and by the shore for a couple of minutes in silence, Komaeda had realized he didn’t know how to start a conversation at the moment. Hinata, on the other hand, seemed to be calm and to enjoy the silence.

Komaeda was struggling with his thoughts, his hands moving a lot and his gaze avoiding Hinata’s. However, the latter took his hand and looked at him concerned.

“You wanted to talk about something, didn’t you?” Hinata inquired and Komaeda couldn’t help laughing.

“I should’ve known you were going to realize, Hinata-kun,” he smiled at the other, holding his hand tighter.

“Oh, I’m… I’m sorry about that.”

“Hm? Why?” Komaeda tilted his head in confusion and then they both came to a stop.

“I know I already apologized last night but… I feel that it wasn’t enough,” Hinata shrugged.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because things are still the same, aren’t they?”

They were indeed. Their joined hands showed it, Hinata was still “reading his mind” somehow, so nothing had actually changed. Komaeda looked down, even his questions remained untouched.

“I tried to make that change…” then Hinata spoke again, and Komaeda looked up at him, startled. “I was getting carried away by all this thing of having talents, I couldn’t even realize about it because… They’re simply there, it’s not as if I had the will not to use them.”

“And that’s okay, that’s how talent works: you’re really full of hope and you’re amazing, and—”

“No, Komaeda, that’s wrong.”

His heart gave a jump, his usual monologue was interrupted and he totally wasn’t expecting that to happen. At first, he thought that he was going to be the one to start the conversation, he thought he’d have everything under control. But it seemed he wasn’t accustomed yet to Hinata being the one having all control. There was no room for his insecurities, Hinata would always read him like a book.

“Look… I-I’m really sorry. See? I am doing that again…” Hinata truly looked sad, and Komaeda couldn’t help feeling the same.

“There’s no need for you to apologize now.”

“Yes, there is. You know, I’m happy I can understand you but… How can I be happy about that if you seem to be upset about the things I know about you?” Hinata circled Komaeda’s waist, pulling him closer. “I love knowing when you’re being serious and when you’re not… But I also hate it because it hurts you.”

“Haven’t we talked about this yesterday, Hinata-kun?” he then put both of his hands around the other’s shoulders. “I told you that everything was okay and you also told me that so, what’s the point of looking back on it now?”

“Because now I know that apologizing wasn’t enough.”

“Does that mean that you didn’t know about that before?” Komaeda raised an eyebrow. He felt confused and, at the same time, he couldn’t help feeling kind of annoyed by the fact that there were still more questions to answer.

“I tried not to think about that,” Hinata closed his eyes and pressed his forehead onto Komaeda’s. “You said you hated talent, you were hurt by things I didn’t mean to say… So I wanted to stay away from it, I didn’t want to hurt you anymore.”

Komaeda’s eyes were still open, and even widened. “You mean… You acted as if you didn’t have talent? Is that even possible?”

“Well, I tried…”

A tiny smile showed on Komaeda’s face. There was no need to say it, but he thought that maybe that Hinata’s attempt ended up with those headaches. He remembered the breakfast from the day before, how Hinata was so calm and wasn’t even aware of Komaeda’s actions back then.

“I felt so bad yesterday…”

“But you could have a rest and now you feel better, right?” Komaeda said, while shifting his hands towards Hinata’s face to caress his cheeks and making him smile.

“Yeah… I did. I felt so numb last night that, to be honest, I was scared when I found out you weren’t in bed this morning…”

“Why?”

“I thought I had done another thing wrong that I couldn’t remember,” Hinata then separated a little bit and stared at Komaeda, apologetically. “I didn’t do anything, did I?”

Komaeda blinked a few times and pursed his lips.

_So… he doesn’t remember?_

There was something bothering him, his stomach twitching, hands kind of trembling, and it was all surely noticeable at that point. He remembered the night before, the conversation he had with Hinata before finally going to sleep.

The confusion was still there, Hinata’s words that night against what he always told him about how he felt. They seemed to be two different point of views about a same thing and even now Komaeda didn’t have a proper conclusion about it, he was still searching for one. Though, somehow, he felt that he only had to put all the pieces of the puzzle together.

Hinata sighed, and then Komaeda realized he had been thinking for longer than he should have. “Then I did… right?”

“It... You don’t remember?” Hinata shook his head as a response, still looking sad. Nevertheless, Komaeda kept on smiling at him. “It wasn’t anything to be worried about, Hinata-kun. I promise.”

He actually wanted him to believe it. Because, what else could he say?

_“They’re both me.”_

Every time there was something off about how Hinata spoke or acted, Komaeda would have those words in mind. What was the point in disagreeing with how Hinata acted? Wasn’t it better getting to know him better from now on than complaining?

“You know… I was thinking…” he looked down, not being able to hide his embarrassment. “Remember when you tried so hard to understand me…? You went through a lot of trouble to get that.”

“Komaeda, I…”

“You wanted me to forget about the past, you wanted to let it all behind as if never happened but it’s not like that,” when Komaeda looked up, he couldn’t help his eyes getting watery and his mouth trembling at not having much idea of how to express the ideas in mind. “Because if I have to forget about everything we’ve been through, I’d have to forget how much you had to struggle to understand someone like me…”

“You don’t have to keep remembering that, you don’t owe me anything after all,” Hinata’s eyes also were glassy, so Komaeda started to feel less stupid by being in the same situation.

“You think I don’t, but…” tears started flooding his eyes, and soon they started streaming down his face, getting his cheeks utterly wet. “I want to understand you, I want to understand you _so_ much. After all the hopeful things you’ve done, after all the happiness you’ve been giving me by just standing by my side… The least I can do is accept you who you are, don’t you think?”

Soon, Komaeda wasn’t the only one crying. He took his hands towards Hinata’s face, wiping away his tears.

“I still can’t believe I said I hate talent… Maybe I actually do,” Komaeda admitted. “But how can I hate it when you’re always trying your best with it? You are always trying to help me. It’s because of you that I’m going to start eating better, it’s because of you that I’m not afraid of the sea anymore… and that I’m not afraid of loving you anymore. You make me feel safe. Can I really hate talent if you’re only trying to help me with it?”

“I… W-Why are you saying this all of a sudden?”

“Because I want to have my mind clear. Today I…” he then decided not to say much.

He preferred not saying what happened that same morning at the restaurant. Not because he was hiding something, but because it involved a lot of things he had already spoken with Hinata. However, he had liked the things the others’ said about that sad time when he was still in the program. Because even if he constantly felt like he didn’t deserve Hinata’s kindness with him and that he having talent now was something he still had to get accustomed to, he’d always have in mind that Hinata wasn’t doing it for pity or “out of boredom”.

It was something completely different, a feeling that once had Komaeda all scared but now he was ready to move away from it. He was ready to let his fears blow away and to look at the future together with Hinata by his side, getting to know and understand each other until the point where even silence itself could speak louder than words.

It took him a long time to get the “they are both me” sentence, and he was aware that the “both” meant a part full of talent and hope that the Hinata he knew back in the NEO World program lacked of.

But, what was the point of being together if there weren’t obstacles to move from? Where would the hope be then?

“Today I… I thought we could start all over again, don’t you think? To be able to understand each other better?” Komaeda sheepishly said, forehead pressed on Hinata’s, both of them smiling.

“No, Komaeda,” he closed his eyes, pure serenity showing on his face. “We’ll move on from our mistakes, and we’ll create a better future… together.”

Komaeda’s grin widened and he pulled a little away from Hinata, cupping his cheeks with both hands. He couldn’t help staring at the mechanical one, and couldn’t help new tears forming in his eyes.

It truly hurt him when Hinata told him about how “bored” he was while making his arm but, why not thinking about it in a hopeful way now?

_“I won’t ask you to tell me what happened between Hinata-san and you, but I want to tell you that he was really preoccupied about you. His coldest and loneliest moments took place before you woke up.”_

_“But the moment he knew you would wake up, he started to smile again. He was back to himself again.”_

He said he wouldn’t give too much credits to the others’ words, but he couldn’t help thinking they were full of hope. In the end he couldn’t really be mad at Hinata for the way he’d felt, because the true hope had to come after those despairing and boring moments, hadn’t it?

“Komaeda? W-Why are you crying so much?” Hinata laughed, wiping away the million tears coming out of Komaeda’s eyes.

“I can’t help myself, Hinata-kun… It’s the _hope_ ,” he mumbled while sobbing.

“What hope?” he was smiling, maybe it was the first time Hinata seemed happy at his use of the word “hope”.

Komaeda looked at him in the eyes, and didn’t even hesitate to say his next words. “Your hope. Hinata-kun, I love you… and I am truly in love with the hope that lives inside you.”

There were a few seconds of silence and sobbing, in which Hinata widened his eyes and kept on blinking as if not knowing what to say. But it didn’t take long for him to smile again and soon he was rubbing his eyes preventing new tears to come out. “I love you too,” he said.

Then they hugged each other as if the waves from the shore that were getting closer to them could draw them apart somehow. It was not over, and it wasn’t a beginning either.

They were just moving forward towards a shining future. Understanding could be the most difficult part, but they would never give up. Hinata didn’t and Komaeda of course wouldn’t. After all, it was all about believing that hope would always win in the end.


End file.
